Screw Authority and Pass the Bread

Jan 5:  The second day back at work and 5 days into this goal.  The unofficial time frame when most people quit.  Here’s what yours truly gobbled up today…


*ground turkey + whole wheat pasta + organic marina (left overs from yesterday) + salad with italian dressing.  I packed the first items and snagged the salad from the catered lunch we had during a meeting at work.

*organic banana

*organic fruit bar

*organic orange

*ezekial english muffin with organic crunchy peanut butter

*organic chocolate protein shake

90 minutes of zumba thrown in there just to remind me how 90 minutes of zumba kills my knees.  Thank you college cheerleading days.

I got caught at work late tonight doing a last minute request.  I became very aware on my drive home what my triggers are for bad food and skipped workouts.  I found myself wanting a big bowl of pasta and to just go home and put on sweats.  I stayed the course of the plan, but now I know the 4-6pm time frame is critical for me on my evening decisions.  Whatever happens at work from 4-5pm has typically determined the fate of my pants size (leads to my theory that as your income increases, so does your pants size).

We know research and official studies tell us that people with unhealthy food behaviors (everything from anorexia, bulimia, etc) don’t have an issue with food per se, we hear they are typically making unhealthy choices (undereating or overeating) based on a problem centered around control.  Don’t quote me on all of this because I’m no expert here, but that is information we know if we research eating disorders.  When I ask myself why I can’t stick to a clean diet sometimes or what makes me want to overeat, I think I have figured it out….

<Pauses to ask self how long I can make this blog because there’s a lot of potential words here>

The short version is…it’s control.  Not control in the sense that my life is out of control and making food choices is my one source of control, but control in the sense that I am a people pleaser and take direction a lot with little to no push-back (unless it’s really warranted).  I do what I’m told.  I follow the rules.  I’m the peacemaker.  And then, when I have my own personal time, I can be found saying phrases like “I just want to eat whatever I want” or “I can have anything I want, where should I go.”  I may not say that outloud, but that’s the inner narrative.  It’s like, I have to do what other people say most of the day…..most of us do….that’s how we have jobs and make money and keep ourselves from getting fired….but my version of “doing whatever I want” or “calling my own shots” or “rebelling” (in the saddest description of a “rebel” ever since I’m such a rule follower) is going and getting a pizza or eating a whole bread basket before a big pasta meal, or getting the dessert and refusing to split it with anyone (see also:  only child syndrome, hatred of splitting meals).  I guess diving into a big dish of “whatever I want” and eating “wherever I want” is my metaphorical middle finger to rules and the world.

Jan 6:  Woke up later than I wanted to (didn’t take long for that to settle in this year) and didn’t have a lunch packed because I originally had lunch plans for work that were rescheduled.  Food was happenin’ like….

*organic chocolate protein shake on the way into work

*early lunch that I bought in our cafeteria – salad with chicken with lite ranch dressing + cottage cheese

*organic granola bar

*organic banana

*fruit bar

*(Whole Foods) green smoothie from their juice bar (pear, cucumber, pineapple, kale, spinach, and parsley)

*Egg sandwich (Ezekiel english muffin with 2 eggs on it and a little shredded cheese)

Today was my rest day from working out, but I still did 10 burpees and 50 sit ups in my pajamas just for good measure.  I feel like I haven’t lost a pound but I’m not dwelling on it.  I cooked turkey burgers tonight for my lunch and dinner tomorrow…I’m definitely in it to win it right now.

Jan 7:  I’m a week in, guess I’m really doing this thing.  I’ve had to do a lot of self-motivation, self-talk, and a few outloud prayers in my car to keep me on track.  I had an all day meeting today which not only included catered lunch, but catered breakfast too.  Here’s how I handled the day…

*oats (I knew I better eat before the meeting or I’d cave in the face of free breakfast sandwiches and potatoes)

*fruit bar

*spinach feta turkey burger + quinoa black bean salad (I packed both of those) + salad from panera (that was catered).  When I opened the salad box, a chocolate chip cookie was staring me in the face.  I wanted it so bad.  So bad.  I’m still thinking about it as I type this.  I stood up and took the cookie back over to the table so I wasn’t tempted.  I pulled the salad out and found a baguette.  I ate the baguette.  I told myself I’d do extra cardio tonight.  I don’t even know why I ate it.

*organic blackberries

*organic greek yogurt + honey

*organic chocolate protein shake

*1/2 spinach feta turkey burger + egg sandwich (Ezekial english muffin with 2 eggs and a little shredded cheese)

I lifted (back), ran a mile, walked 10 minutes, and did 17 minutes on the elliptical.  Hopefully that at least worked off the baguette.

Tomorrow, I face the weekend…..